The Pro’s of Immaturity: Hobbit Height

I have a secret. I utterly and passionately loathe the “Lord of the Rings” books.

Okay, so maybe that’s not a secret. I spend a lot of time calling JRR Tolkien wordy and dull. I’m a disgrace to all things book geek. I looked up spoilers to “The Return of the King” on Wikipedia because I couldn’t get through it. I think Middle Earth is a strange name for a kingdom. (The only thing in the middle of the earth is rock and weird burning things.)

But ironically, my life is inextricably linked to Frodo Baggins. About halfway through junior year, my friends decided to give me a nickname. And what did they choose? Hobbit.

According to them, there are two reasons as to why I am a hobbit. One is significant, while the other is not.

Insignificant: I do not wear shoes. I like the feeling of being barefoot, whether it’s in a classroom or in my driveway. Shoes make my toes feel cramped. Supposedly, hobbits hate shoes, too. And apparently my toes are someday going to get gross and crackly like theirs. Fantastic.

Significant: I am incredibly short. I call myself 5’3’’, but that estimate involves some fairly generous rounding. I think I perplex my pediatrician, because I’ve actually shrunk in height between physicals. Once, my friend bent his knees so he could “observe the world from my level.”

He thought he was hilarious. I said boys were stupid.

I wasn’t always short, either. In sixth grade, I was on the second row of bleachers for graduation. Not obscenely tall, but still of a substantial height. My brother was on the third row. The same brother who’s now six feet tall.

Oh, how things change.

I’ve decided, though, that being short isn’t so bad. After all, tons of important people have gone through life without cracking the 5’7’’ barrier. I just googled “famous short people” and came up with a link to lists including Napoleon, Joan of Arc and Gandhi. Not too shabby.

Perhaps Napoleon’s soldiers did make fun of his height behind his back. But at least he got to conquer Europe. I call that a fair trade.

I don’t think we need to be defined by our physical shortcomings (pun very much intended). How we personally perceive ourselves is really what matters most. It’s not about what cruel people brandishing measuring tapes tell us. Even if I’m small physically, I can feel tall and mighty in my head. That’s what counts.

And if worst comes to worst, there are always high heels. Although those might require actually braving shoes.