Learn etiquette to get your freak on

Overeager boys trying to grab every girl they see, a train of gyrating bodies, sweat spots in awkward places and the mental scarring of teacher chaperones can only mean one thing: another school dance. Unlike the graceful mating dance performed by many birds and mammals, the human mating ritual (otherwise known as freaking or grinding) is something quite crude and oftentimes unwanted by the unfortunate receiver.

With Homecoming quickly approaching, many teenagers find themselves remembering past undesirable situations that may have been horrific for them, but left everybody around them quite entertained. Here are some awkward situations and pointers on how to avoid them.

The sneak attack

An anonymous male senior described the horrors of the Back-to-School Dance.

“I was dancing with one of my friends when I found myself surrounded by a circle of giggly girls,” he said. “Then, another girl told her friend that she freaked viciously and grabbed me. The whole thing was really painful.”

Known as the “sneak attack,” one dance partner may creep up behind a naїve bystander and proceed to GBG: grab, bend and grind. While the predator delights in his or her catch, the helpless prey feels like he or she has no choice but to GBG along.

While this usually happens to girls, it can happen to guys also. The best way to avoid these kinds of situations is to constantly be on alert for anybody swooping in on you. Peripheral vision is your best friend. However, if you are one who cannot keep track of anything else while you are popping to your favorite beat, there are some last minute emergency ways to escape the situation.

For guys, the best way to avoid this would be to take on the role of predator and grab another girl. Nothing says “no thank you” like gyrating with another lady.

Girls have to perfect a move known as the “stomp and twist.” When a 200 pound guy grabs a girl around the waist, no amount of twisting will pry his meaty hands of her. Instead of flailing around helplessly, the girl should stomp really hard on his foot and take advantage of his temporary surprise and loosened grip to twist out of his grasp. It’s easy—just stomp and twist. Or the girl can GBG with one of her female friends. Most likely, guys will not want to stop this and will leave the girls in peace.

Grinding with strangers

Another anonymous male senior experienced an awkward situation in which his friend had spotted a girl during the dance and proceeded to implement a foolproof GBG plan of action. When the lights came on, the friend was surprised to find that his new female friend was actually a boy.

This is not a common mistake. However, this should be a lesson to all the overeager boys out there. Do not GBG with every shaking booty—unless you are prepared for some surprising consequences. The gym is very dark during school dances, so take advantage of strobe lights to scope out potential dance partners.

What do you do when a “Shawty gets low?”

This is a common question many guys have. Basically, the choice is yours. If a guy likes to display his athleticism and flexibility, he should by all means get down and impress his lady. But if a guy feels uncomfortable getting “low,” he should use his arms wrapped around the girl’s waist to subtly raise her to a more upright position. The girl will probably get the hint that the guy is not feeling it as much as she is and will tone down her dirty dancing.

Last-minute etiquette

The worst thing a guy can do during a school dance is hover around a group of girls, waiting for a chance to pounce in and grab some booty. For all the guys out there who think that this is an effective strategy, it is not. It is just plain creepy. Girls go to dances to get with a cute guy, not to get stalked by an overly hormonal one.

The worst thing a girl can do is freak with more than three guys. After three, a girl just looks like a hussy. Girls who arrive stag should spend most of the time dancing with girlfriends and not worrying about getting any male attention.

School dances will always be awkward because people seeking dance partners will never be able to predict or know their partner’s next move. But that uncertainty and discomfort is the beauty of high school dances.

So go out and enjoy the next school dance. Implement these strategies to avoid awkward dance floor situations. Here’s hoping that everybody gets a perfect GBG moment.