Hau I See It: ¿Hablas Español?

I signed up for Spanish 1A in junior high and stuck with it until now. Somehow the only phrase I’m comfortable with would be ¿Dónde está el baño? (Where is the bathroom?) I made sure to learn that one first, in case I would ever be stranded somewhere in Latin America. And when I went to Mexico over winter break, my tour guides joked that the Mexican way of going to the bathroom is in el aire libre, fancy Spanish for behind the bush over there. A ranch in Mexico where I went horseback riding proved my fears to be totally unjustified with its squeaky clean bathrooms.

With my most important phrase rendered useless, I was thankful to also know ¿Dónde estoy? (Where am I?), a question I asked a lot on the public bus. I was unprepared for the cultural shock of fluent Spanish. I couldn’t understand Barney without English subtitles. I was embarrassed, but that didn’t stop me.

The next day on the beach, a fellow traveller parachuted over my head. I stared after him, and a man ran up to me saying “You want to?” I pieced together my best Spanish and responded, ¡Sí! Then came the foreboded, “Ah, ¿hablas español?” Again, I said sí. Then a very fast stream of Spanish words hit me as he started buckling me up. To that, I could only reply “¡¿Qué?!”

Then it was like I was about to jump off a cliff. “¡Corre chica! ¡Siéntate! Y no te olvides lo que tienes que hacer!” Run? Sit? Don’t forget what I have to do? I started soaring. It was exhilarating, but I asked myself, “How do I get down from here?”

Although I was too humiliated to tell the man I couldn’t speak Spanish, my limited Spanish skills led me to deduce that what he had been telling me was how to safely land from the air. Naturally, I had a panic attack, “¡Ayúdame! Help me!” and flailing my legs. Only the birds answered me, mockingly cawing at my helplessness.

Everything settled down in the end. Because of the wind and my skinny stature, I was able to land very slowly and safely on the shore. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the more corpulent tourist who was above me.

Through this seemingly dangerous experience, I learned that you should never be afraid to speak a new language. The locals always appreciated my effort to speak Spanish. Of course, unskillful Spanish can lead to some miscommunications. I argued with a bartender for more ice until I found out I was really asking for liquor–which he of course refused to give me.

Although I was teased for my terrible accent a few times, it was all in good fun in the end. Coming out of my shyness and being willing to practice my Spanish gave me a better feel for the culture and encouraged a stronger love for the language. The new bonds forged with locals also enhanced my trip. I talked with a taxi driver about the economy, universities and agriculture openly, and also about simpler matters such as how to bargain with local vendors and where to get the best food or shop.

You should always reply sí, because that opens up new opportunities to you, like going parasailing or ending up at the wrong bus stop (which isn’t always a bad thing). But, if anyone ever asks, “¿Hablas español?” maybe the best answer really is “No.”